my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
