Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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