STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
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