OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
