If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
