How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
