why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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