bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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