dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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