You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
