i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
