where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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