Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I hate all girls vehemently.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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