Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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