I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
