the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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