I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
