apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
