the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
