so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
