I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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