I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
