I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
