How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize