This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
