and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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