i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
