That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
