So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
