That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
