that's an acceptable place to lick
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
