I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
even my farts smell like vagina
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
