i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
