I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
