Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
How external is "for external use only"?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
