We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
this will be a night to untag.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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