he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
