I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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