just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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