he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
