My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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