I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
