Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
