hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
