Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
