I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
