ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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