every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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