She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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