Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
