I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
