I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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