A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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