i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
