so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
