i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
