I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
