Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
