Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
