Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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