I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
