That's intense
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
