Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
