Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
