Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize