I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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