Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
where are you?
Hypothermia
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
