I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
