I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
