we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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