Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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