I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
