Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
