So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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