This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
